Snoots

Recently, I’ve been giving a lot of advice and I classify as one of those people that live in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones, or the pot that calls the kettle black. I don’t know if it’s my experience or my confidence that makes free advice so easy to dole out. Regardless, I’m wondering if Dear Old Abby has any problems of her own?

Is my situation so much worse than everyone else’s? I suspect that even the perfect people have their own issues. One of the most amazing revelations I’ve experienced occurred several years ago in the food court of a shopping mall just before Christmas. I was grumpy - no, down-right pissed off at all the people walking around, walking in front of me, taking up seats with their perfect little gift bags and seemingly endless piles of expensive outerwear, etc. Occasionally, I’d see a person that appeared to be of more humble means than me. For the most part, I was there resenting the world because I couldn’t stand the commercialism of Christmas. I was uncertain of the real meaning of Christmas. All I knew was that everyone else seemed to be doing it “right” and I was miserable. Then it occurred to me - those folks I was with that day were feeling it, too. Each and every one of them was dealing with the last minuteness, the long lines, the lack of seating in the food court, the uncertainty of where that final present would be found, the greater uncertainty of how they’d pay for all this stuff when the credit card bill came rolling in.

The people of which I was really envious were those folks that I never saw in that final rush. Some people shop for Christmas all year around and when December comes, they’re either resting, or they’re already on to the next year!

There’s really no point to this post other than to say that things aren’t always what they seem.

What about these Chronicles of a Confined Writer??? Where have I been? Why have I not written every single day? Why have I gone months without contributing? My advice to Me follows. It is so much easier to offer advice than it is to listen to one’s own. Someone wise said, “The burglar judges by his own condition.” In this context, that is to say that I can advise others on issues from which I also suffer.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

I’ve been busy with too many things to do and not enough time. — We are all busy. Each of us has “enough” time. In fact, Jack Welch (formerly of GE), Larry Ellison (Oracle Corporation), Richard Branson (Virgin), and Steven Tyler (one of my favorite musicians, ever) all have “enough” time (i.e., just 24 hours each day). “Well, of course they do. Who wouldn’t have enough time with all that money and people to do things for you?” It’s a silly conversation to have but some people still believe that they could be successful if they just had money. I say to me (remember, this is my advice to me), “Get with the program. If you want to write, then write. If you want to sit there and make excuses because your personal life is troubling, or your day job is too involved, then just sit there and say you want to write. For many people, making excuses for ‘why not’ is enough. Not for you and me.”

I haven’t been feeling all that motivated to write. Oh, the irony! Are you feeling like going to that 9 to 5 every day? You’re not motivated to do that but one thing drives you there… the almighty dollar. I do not wish to impress that money is unimportant. The thing is, people work their J.O.B.s because they think they have to. Conforming thinkers allow themselves to settle in and call it “comfortable.” I submit this question (and others)… “How comfortable are you with the proverbial fingers tapping on the table up inside your wanting head, telling you that you’re better than that?” You’re better than the rat race. You’re better than making someone else tons of money because it’s “comfortable” for you. Like hell, you’re comfortable! If it isn’t writing for you, what is it? What do you get excited about? Why don’t you make time for it? Do you make time for TV? Do you make time for friends? TAKE time for you and see if you like it!

I’ve been helping other people take care of some things. Again, you may perceive your altruistic nature as impedance on those things you’d “rather be doing.” Take a hard look at how helping others stops you from succeeding. Everything I’ve read says that helping others is key to being personally successful. Are you sure you don’t have an aversion to success? Maybe you feel guilty about being successful - financially, relationally, whatever. I say, “Don’t!” If you have the ability to do something you love, make use of it. You cannot put others first for your whole life. Your internal restraint will never encourage success in others. It comes from within - for all of us. You only stifle your own creativity and expression by deferring to others’, realized or not.

Remember, this is my advice to me. I’m not suggesting that any other readers should heed my advice but it is free (at least until people will pay me for it). What I do recommend as advice to you if you’re interested, is to write your own “Advice to Me [i.e., you, not me].” Feel free to post it here as a comment, or do it for yourself and post it on your bathroom mirror.

Because it’s so much easier to give advice than to receive it (at least for many of us), try giving it to yourself. Who else knows you or your situation as well as you?

To Jeff and Florencia, the two of you are inspirational to me. I don’t know you well, but I love your independence from the rat race and from society’s expectations. In a lot of ways, you motivate me. I am happy to know you and be inspired by you both.